When we discuss or have some exchange of opinions with someone it is very important to differentiate what we have been told with what we think we have been told to avoid major conflicts.
Aristotle said “Anyone can get angry, that’s very simple. But getting angry with the right person, in the exact degree, at the right time. With the right purpose and in the right way, that certainly is not so simple. “
Personal relationships, whether of a couple, family or friendship, are usually gratifying. But sometimes, we find certain stones along the way that can lead to a complete or partial deterioration of these situations.
Today we are going to give you a series of tips and strategies that will help you resolve these conflicts in a more appropriate and beneficiary way:
Define the problem
What do we discuss? What was it that originated it?
Most of the time the cause of the problem becomes unimportant, leading to discussion in contempt, criticism, defensive and indifferent attitudes, which have little or nothing to do with the beginning of the discussion. This, is singularly known as the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”, having disastrous consequences.
Therefore, we must define the problem briefly and specifically, focusing on the now, and leave the string of underlying problems at that time.
Start with something positive, and perform criticism in relation to behavior
We must understand the other, that our complaint or criticism is directed towards his behavior and not so much to his way of being, since what has bothered us is something punctual that he did at a certain time, and not something that defines him as person. That is, not counterattack your personality, as we can influence your self-esteem in this way.
Expression of feelings and emotions
Making the other understand how we feel is very important in an interpersonal relationship. Inspire confidence and communication, two basic pillars in the construction of interpersonal relationships.
Respond to the other by making a summary of what you have said, as a method to verify that we have understood what you have wanted to say. This will help us avoid any kind of inferences about motivations, thoughts, feelings and attitudes. It is very important to differentiate, what we have been told with what we think we have been told.
Do not generalize, make messages from the “me”
“I think…”, “I think that…” is an assertive way of expressing ourselves.
Generalization can lead to error, and an increase in frustration, since none of us possess an absolute truth about things.
Generation of alternatives
Something very recommended is to generate as many possible solutions as we can think of among the people who maintain the conflict. Once this is done, it is convenient to choose a solution that benefits both parties in some way.
Mutuality and commitment
The establishment of a compromise between the parties, and its fulfillment will generate greater confidence among the members.
Finally, remember that a discussion often leads to situations of stress and nerves, and that an appropriate use of emotions is essential to avoid disastrous situations. For this, the practice of relaxation and frequent breathing can help us to have greater emotional self-control.